It's Only You
Personal Reflection + Psalm
By Henrietta Lee
When you go through a group process with Restore Ministries, you’re encouraged to write a psalm – a written prayer which captures your honest heart cry in that moment. Taking a lead from the psalmists in the Old Testament, your psalm gives voice to your inner reality, inviting God to meet you exactly where you’re at – even if it’s not pretty.
Psalm writing helps me get real with God, and myself. I’m often surprised to see what pours out onto the page. Your psalm might be a song of reverence, a shout of joy and thanksgiving, a series of questions, a plea for mercy, a painful lament, even a tantrum. There aren’t many rules to psalm writing – just to be honest and personal. When we’re willing to get real with God, He can get real with us. Sometimes I’ll start writing a lament, but as I pour out the vinegar on top I find there’s rich, golden oil underneath – reminders of God’s faithfulness and promises.
I often fall into bed feeling a mix of frustration and despair – that there aren’t enough hours in a day. No matter how hard I throw myself into my work and life I’m haunted by the sense that I can’t get enough done. I can’t get on top of things. There’s too much to do and too many people to care about.
One night the frustration was intense and I fell asleep lamenting. I woke in the early hours of the morning with these words. I think God was helping me get some perspective.
It's only you who fills my lungs with air
It's only you makes my legs spin 🚲
It's only you who gives me friends to love
People to know, to spend myself on, to serve and struggle with
It's only you who gives me anything good
Anything worth worrying about and wrestling with
You shape my world, my heart, my mind
All I need do is give it all to you
Please forgive me when I try to hold on
I try to keep some for myself as if you hadn't given it all to me already
As if you weren't the Almighty
You are a giant wave that could crush me and pulverise me into nothing 🌊
Yet your self-control is glorious
In your mercy you show restraint
Because of who you are, you see past the evil in me
To the small sliver of surrender
The whisper of humility
You are like mortar and pestle and I am the spices
While you turn me to dust – as that is all I truly am
You work your majesty in me to release the most delightful flavours
The sweetest aromas
It's a heavenly sensation!
It's the perfect balance of pleasure and pain and peace and growth
It's the sweet spot
It's the true bliss point
All I can do is say thank you THANK YOU and keep giving myself to you because I'm yours anyway
All along, every day
Yours whom you rescue, adore and lift up on glistening waters
Closer to the sun ☀️